Why do we want to become the “best version” of ourselves?

1) Framing the Question

• The group started by questioning what "self" and "best version" even mean:

  • Is the self the body, the brain, identity, or a personal narrative?

  • If there is a "best" version, does that imply a "worst" or many versions?

  • Who defines "best": society, the individual, or some objective standard?

• The popularity of "best version of yourself" in modern culture was seen as something that needs philosophical unpacking rather than being taken for granted.

2) Classical & Ethical Perspectives

Aristotle

• Everything has a telos (purpose), and for humans this is eudaimonia (flourishing / well-being).

• The "best version" of a human is tied to living virtuously, not just chasing pleasure or subjective happiness.

• A key question raised: Is virtue necessary, or is feeling happy "enough"?

Perfectionism (ethical view)

• Self-improvement can be seen not only as a desire, but as a moral obligation to fulfill one's potential.

• This raises tension: is growth a personal preference or a duty?

3) Humanistic Psychology: Growth and Fulfillment

Maslow

• Self-actualization sits at the top of the hierarchy of needs.

• People generally don't pursue "being their best" if basic needs (food, safety, shelter) aren't met.

• Self-actualization is about growth and expansion of the self, often triggered by "peak experiences."

Carl Rogers

• Fulfillment comes from reducing the gap between the "real self" and the "ideal self."

• The closer these two are, the more psychologically healthy and fulfilled a person becomes.

• A key debate: Is self-improvement about authenticity, or about conforming to social expectations?

4) The Self as Narrative

• One view proposed that humans create a "narrative self":

  • This narrative is not fully "real," but it guides decisions and simplifies a complex world.

  • Self-improvement then becomes the optimization of this internal model or story we tell about ourselves.

  • We track progress by how well this narrative "self" functions in the world.

5) Individual vs Universal Standards

• A distinction was made between:

  • The ancient idea of becoming the best human being (based on shared virtues), and

  • The modern idea of becoming the best version of yourself (more individual, personal, and idiosyncratic).

• The group noted that not everyone obviously strives toward a "best version," and even the concept itself can be unclear or problematic.

6) Self-Acceptance vs Self-Improvement

• A strong theme was balance:

  • Constantly chasing a "better self" can lead to self-loathing and burnout.

  • At the same time, pure self-acceptance without growth can lead to stagnation.

  • Aristotle's "doctrine of the mean" was invoked: the healthy path is between obsession with improvement and total complacency.

  • Examples like extreme athletes were used to show how the "best version" ideal can distort life if taken too far.

7) Dissatisfaction, Time, and Motivation

• Several contributions pointed out that:

  • The drive to improve often comes from a recurring dissatisfaction with the present self.

  • We act in the present for the sake of a future self (idea of delayed gratification and future-oriented planning).

  • Achievements are often quickly discounted, restarting the cycle of striving.

8) Social vs Inner Perspectives

• The discussion noted a heavy focus on social and external influences (culture, roles, expectations).

• At the same time, it was argued that not enough attention is usually given to how the self relates to itself in isolation:

  • How do I see myself?

  • What do I imagine my "best self" to be, apart from society?

• The idea returned to the narrative self: perhaps most "optimization" is really about optimizing that inner story.

9) Tangential but Important Threads

Free will vs external causes

• One view suggested that if we assume free will, we pursue our "best version" simply because we choose to.

• Another view emphasized external factors: environment, evolution, and social pressures shaping what we strive for.

Evolution & neurobiology

• The discussion briefly touched on biological and neurological explanations for why growth, learning, and optimization might be built into us.

Community and collective improvement

• Improving oneself was seen not only as personal, but also as indirectly improving the wider community or humanity as a whole.

Nietzsche and value creation

• Reference was made to Nietzsche's ideas (e.g., slave morality), suggesting that people can genuinely become "themselves" by fully embodying the values they adopt—even if those values differ from dominant ideals.

Plato and ideals

• The notion of an ideal "form" or ideal version of a human was mentioned as a way to think about what "best" might mean beyond personal preference.

Suffering and introspection

• Self-improvement was also framed as a response to suffering: difficulties and failed relationships can trigger reflection and change.

Hustle culture and social conditioning

• Modern pressure to constantly optimize (work harder, earn more, be more) was noted as a cultural force shaping the "best version" ideal, though not the whole explanation.

📚 References & Ideas Mentioned

• Aristotle – Nicomachean Ethics, eudaimonia, virtue ethics, doctrine of the mean

• Ethical Perfectionism – moral obligation to fulfill one's potential

• Abraham Maslow – Hierarchy of Needs, self-actualization, peak experiences

• Carl Rogers – Real self vs ideal self, authenticity and congruence